I am “Mom”

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I am “Mom” no longer just “Mrs.” as before,

I am still giving myself, just a little bit more.

My head feels fuzzy, I’m sleep-deprived,

Or is it because all the emotions inside?

Everyone else is moving but my world’s stuck here,

I feel so alone though everyone’s near.

Why is she crying? Is she eating enough?

I didn’t realize breastfeeding could be so rough.

My body feels weird; I’m supposed to “keep low,”

Yet, care for this baby I don’t even know!

Little did I know birthing would be the cake,

In comparison to after, where I’d find no break.

Despite my preparations and planning so dear,

My faith seems so little and my head full of fear.

It’s feeding, and changing, and then feeding again,

Keeping “patient” but remember, I’ve slept 2 hours since then!

As if being “mom” isn’t a big hat to wear,

There is also “wife”, a huge name that I bear.

I’m crying so much that it’s getting old,

“Good luck on no sleep” is all I am told.

I think, “it’ll get better” and, “it’ll go by so fast”,

But in my unhealthy mind I only think it’ll last.

I can’t get myself past this darkness and fight,

Wait though, I thought I’m doing what’s right?

But, I’m now a mother and my understanding is new,

My perspective on motherhood has a fresh view.

I start to realize “Mom” is a title worth gold,

You see I am “Mom” to a 1-week-old.

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A couple months later, I’m back to “me,”

Still the same girl, yet different you see.

My world is now turning and I’m back to  life.

I find joy in my callings as mom, homemaker, and wife,

She smiles and knows who her mommy is now,

There’s so much she learns daily—I can’t help but “wow!”

She coos, and wiggles, and coos some more,

I can’t help but think why I hated it before.

No longer are heads turned because she is “so small”,

She’s a growing baby and such a doll!

My fear is now whether I’m giving her enough,

Now that “busy” is back, it’s balance that’s tough.

It’s fun to watch her Dad in his new role,

His, “Come quick, look at her!” will never get dull.

I want time to slow down, as it’s going too fast,

Now, I believe when they say, “enjoy, it doesn’t last!

I have finally embraced this new title I hold,

You see I am “Mom” to a 3-month-old.

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I have no idea where the time went,

This little busy-body is pure heaven sent.

She’s got the funnest personality and attitude too,

Her jibber-jabber and words all so new.

It’s “Mamma” and “Ought Oh” and fifty versions of “NO!!”

I love her so much from her head to her toes.

The house is full of messes, laughter, and noise,

I’m already worrying about her dating boys.

I’m all about bath time, lunch time, oh, and naptime—WAHOO,

Pinching that lil’ bum and putting on her tiny shoes!

She puts up a good fight when she wants her way,

I’m trying to cherish my time with her each day.

But the fact that the time passed too quickly, it flew,

Makes me re-concerned how I’ll ever make it through.

The questioning begins, “So, When’s the next on it’s way?”

Then the anxiety sets in and it won’t go away.

I feel like just yesterday I tucked (far away) all things baby,

The dark memories too fresh think about returning, even maybe.

But, I try to remember just how much I’ve learned,

And determine: “Is it selfish?” or “true” the feelings discerned.

Now, I’ve learned it’s an unending struggle that accompanies this title I hold,

You see I am “Mom” to an 18-month-old.

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